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Sept 19th - October 2nd, 2005
September 30th, 2005
Hunter's Thought for the Day

Some days, when we are arguing, we like to ask the group "What would Hunter do in this situation? What would he do this evening? Or for the rest of the weekend?"

And then he answers:

""Have an objective to give your bender a theme. For instance, stalking and killing a wild pig with a bowie knife."

After that everything is clear. We stop arguing, put on the Mingus mask and go outside. And think about roast pork. For years there has been talk of stray boars in the river valley.

Now, as I mentioned - if someone that really isn't me masquerading as a Californian went to all the trouble of trying to get my book banned, it is your Christian duty to help him out. This man has a beard and a son. So please sign the goddamned petition, like the 19 other godblessed souls. If you don't, Mother Theresa will spend another five years traipsing up the curve through Perdition.

September 29th, 2005
Squids and Indigo Lists

Morrie, Sierra and I collectively shit our pants this week when we read that:

Japanese scientists have photographed for the first time in the wild a live giant squid, one of the most mysterious creatures of the deep sea. - CNN

My only regret is that it wasn't Kiwi Steve O'Shea who first caught the big bastard on film. Steve - I commend your monomania. If anyone deserved to see them first, you did. But, we all fail. Regularly.

Still. Look at this magnificent bastard. Or read up at Reuters.

Also in news - seems like an online Indigo poll says that The Da Vinci Code is the best book of all time. Check the article at Edmonton Journal. Yup. Better than Joyce, Hemingway, Atwood or anyone else. Really. Seems to underline my fundamental principle about most humans - dumb shaved apes doing exactly what we were conditioned to do - by our parents, society, religion or ourselves. It's a conspiracy.

And finally, in other book related news, it is about goddamned time that someone started a petition to have nunt banned. Please sign it.

September 26th, 2005
The Fall Arabesque


they'll tell you that
smell like fresh cut grass

but what they don't tell you

is that
when you pick them up
and sniff them

and accidentally snort one
up your nose

and you can sense the little gal
trying to take flight in your septum

it's going to feel like a five finger black and red bowling ball
rolling with thunderous applause and laserbeam accuracy
straight up your sinus cavity towards your brain

and if you're lucky

the two of you won't kill each other
choking and spitting
in the autumn twilight

September 23rd, 2005
Two Years

Today marks two years of the Daily Mingus. And a strange two years it has been! To all those following the recent problems that Kate and I have had in the tabloids, you'll know what I'm talking about. It looks like she might lose the Rimmel contract as well, which is the shits. And that thing about Sadie and Jude Law (bastard) and Kate and I in the tub was especially hard on the mothers. I mean, Jude can go and fuck himself and his prude Sienna. Six rules before she takes him back? Ha! How about getting that hook straightened out, Jude!

To celebrate: myself, my publisher and six of the worst reprobates I can dig up are going to drink Crystal and three hundred dollar bottles of wine till we pass out in a heap somewhere tonight. Preferably not on Safran Foer's floor this time. (Note that I didn't say KOSHER wine? Hmm?)

Oh dear - makes me just a bit sentimental. Who would have thought this little site (warning: indulgent self-reflection ahead) would take off like it did eighteen months ago. Half a million hits a day? And net profits close to a quarter million pounds a month? Net! And that doesn't include my publisher's cut, or the pounds spent on rubs, tugs and lunch buffets. And of course, it doesn't include any of the endorsements, book royalties, etc. God, I love the free market.

The future, as ever, looks awfully bright. That thing with Al Roker still stinks a bit, but Ann Coulter just loves to ride the johnson, and I can't help that. You know that as soon as her new book is finished, she'll be back for more. And that's just fine. At the end of the day, the Yanks are still having a love affair with the thought of her and I at the Democratic convention.

The book, of course, is in its 13th printing, with over five million in print, and is finally being translated into Hebrew. That makes seventeen languages - seventeen translators who have had to ask - what is the equivalent to nunt and fuckaroo? Apparently, the Italian version was the best translation - or at least, it's sold the best. Maybe it was that frank discussion Benedict and I had on Italian radio. I thought it was sort of a bust, but Europe, as I always say, is a tough nut to shine.

The reviewers haven't ALL come around, but those in France who love the Houellebecq really pushed it, and the NY Times (bless You!) has been a regular bastion of publicity. I mean, I'd like to throttle some of the people at the International Herald Tribune, but they're not REALLY NY Times, are they ;) And I guess that Kate and I (and Jude) ARE news fit to print, so I can't really blame them. There's not much we can do about that videotape now.

As for all the projects: The Hippo Foundation seems to be taking seed, and the whole Katrina donation has really shown that we're giving back to the community, so I think we're finally getting some philanthropic respect. I'll be directing a new Sweaty Charles music video (Renaldina) next month when the album comes out. The tour coffee book is due in November (same day as the xbox 360 -yikes!) and apparently, the full tour bobblehead line-up will be available for Thanksgiving (US). Ascension has been optioned by Pixar, nunt: the movie is back in the green light zone, with Tobey set to star (not my first choice, but I liked him in the Ice Storm) and after Aranofsky dropped out, it looks like Nolan is going to direct. Bruckheimer requested that the old ambulance be towed out of retirement for a cameo appearance, which I thought was sort of funny. I'm not sure if it can even start anymore?! It's no Bentley, that's for sure.

Anyways - just thought that a nice sum up was deserved at this point. I mean two years, and it hasn't been easy, but look at all the things it's brought! That's what I tell the kids when I speak at schools (hey Nelly?!) - follow your dreams, and it'll pay off in the end. I mean, it might not look like you'll end up with the money women and power, but somehow, you do! I just thank the old Creator for all the blessings. Now if only He could get the press to lay off on Kate. God, it was a just a little eight-ball!

Oh, and thanks to all the millions of poetry and avante garde fans out there, and all the progressive blog consumers. If it weren't for you, I'd probably be living in a bachelor apartment somewhere cold, driving that embarrassing pink thing, staring at a couple thousand unsold books and wondering what the fuck I've been doing with my life for the last two years. There but for the grace of God, eh? Well, off to the hippo races!

September 20th, 2005
Full Perpetual Motion Roadshow Dates Released

If you live on the East Coast or somewhere in America, buckle those seat belts and get ready for the maafucking Hindenburgh, 'cause Mingus is coming to town. If you're sick of his bullshit, he's rolling in with two other horsemen - the darkly comic Jason Anderson and the mic-crushing COOLHANDLUKE. AND there's always some local talent in EACH city. Except for Cincinatti, where they are apparently afraid to step onto stage with us. Whatever.

So mark these dates on your calendar. In blood. Semen. And faeces. And if you know ANYONE in any of these cities - let 'em know we're coming.

Friday, October 21. Art Bar (in the Gladstone Hotel), 1214 Queen St. W.
(416) 531-4635. With poet Sabrina Lightstone. 8pm

Saturday October 22. Mercury Lounge, 65 Byward St.
(613)789-5324. With sound maker Jason Sonier. 7pm


Sunday, October 23. Café Esperanza, 5490 St. Laurent
(514) 948-3303. with musical poet Brian Campell. 8pm


Tuesday October 25. Junnos, 64 Downing St.
( 212) 627-7995. Local act TBA. 7:30pm

Wednesday, October 26. Mattress Factory. 500 Samponia Way
(412) 231-3169. Local act TBA.

Thursday October 27. Hobo Books, 4040 Hamilton Ave.
Local act TBA. 6:30 pm.

Friday, October 28 Quimbys, 1854 W. North Ave.
(773) 324-0910. Local act TBA. 7pm

Full Details at

September 19th, 2005
Hippie News

Hippos are in danger. Sadly. The world's formerly largest population has dropped from almost 30 000 in 1974 to about 800.

This sort of thing makes me:

1. Depressed.
2. Angry.
3. Wishful I had enough money for my Anti-Genocide / Anti-Poaching Apache AH-64 Assault Helicopter Unit. Nothing deters hippo poaching like Hellfire missiles and 4600 30mm rounds per minute.

So - adopt a hippo. Or just learn up.

Also - it seems like global warning is having an effect on the intensity of hurricanes. Entirely shocking. Unless one understands the idea of cause AND effect.

But What Happened Last Week? By God, Find Out Here!