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.:  The Divinity Chapters  :.
Cunto 01
Cunto 02
Cunto 03
Interview 01
Cunto 04
Cunto 05
Cunto 06
Interview 02
Cunto 07
Cunto 08
Cunto 09
Interview 03
Cunto 10
Cunto 11
Cunto 12
Interview 04
Cunto 13
A short 'mindstream' novel about a man's descent to hell and subsequent resurrection. His critical review of the novel, as captured by reporter Marvin Gander, and the 'mindstream'© process is interspersed throughout the chapters and may be included in the final work, in accordance with the author's wishes.

Any unauthorized publishing of this will precipitate excessive violence on the part of the author. Please ask. It's all ©2004.

DIVINITY

INTERVIEW 03

[Ed. Note - All interviews are direct transcripts from Marvin Gander's sessions with author Mingus Tourette. They are planned so as to take place every three chapters of Divinity.]

Strat
October 19, 2001
11.30 pm
divinity interview 03


Tourette - ...the last time to fall apart as such.

Gander - How so?

T - It's can't go on much longer, not like this. You know? Hallucinations, harbour dreams. Halitosis.
[pause]
That's what I'm doing, walking through harbour dreams. Walking through hallucinations, walking through the ever unreal dream state. Too much caffeine, not enough sleep. Too many cigarettes, not enough homecooked meals. Imbalance. And it all seems so pathetic in light of the way it is now.
[pause]
Does it affect you?

G - Of course. How can it not affect you? It affects everyone.

T - I don't know about that. Lots of insensitive fuckers that just kept on like it was another day, another bomb in a faraway place. Brought closer, though, because lots of those fuckers had been there. It's a whole different feeling to know a place is going up in flames when you've walked through those streets.

G - True.

T - And so I don't sleep. It doesn't seem to matter, either, but when I start sleeping in over work. I guess it matters then.

G - So she's gone?

T - I don't know. It's only been three days, and I still feel like I have to call her.

G - Why's that?

T - I don't know. Like, it was too quick. Like it didn't seem properly over. So I'll go back and kick it around for awhile and drag it out, cause I don't like having things over that quickly. It's killed. I don't like it like that. It'll be killed, maybe, eventually, but I don't want it to die because I didn't show up with a bit of saline, you know.

G - But what are you going to do?

T - Whatever. Lie, boldfaced lie to her face and say lets work on it, lets try to start over, lets do...whatever. And, no, maybe its not a lie, maybe it will work out. I don't know. Theresa's fucked, but it seems like she's going to try to work on it, try to deal with her shit better, try to not freak out so much. No more walking away in the middle of a conversation. That's what she said. And on my part, you know, I'll try to keep the pints down to six or less when I go out on the shitstorm, you know. That'll be my contribution, and I think that'll help. She can't stand it when I'm completely blunderfucked.
[pause]
I mean, she wasn't exactly begging to keep it together, but I know she didn't want it to end. And it did. So I'll call her again and we'll try it again.

G - Not exactly the first time, is it?

T - Fuck, I can't even remember how many times we've split like this, but I don't know, it seems more and more final each time we step towards it.

G - You know, maybe it is time to let it go.

T - I know. I'm sure it's well past, but what, I don't think, I mean, what a fucking waste then, is what she'll think. I hate that.

G - What, you don't think it's a waste?

T - Well. Maybe the last month or so if it does all go into the shitter, but not the first months. No matter what happens, those will always be irreplaceable. And that's where we're different, cause she'll just look at the whole thing as a waste. Fucking women, all like that. If they don't score a husband out of it.

G - I don't think so. I don't think Celina's like that. She's not looking for a husband.

T - Yeah, but she's a lot older, she's almost past it, you know? How long you been together? Three years? And no talk at all about getting married?

G - None. And she's not that old, you cunt. I just don't think she's interested in having children, so she's not in a hurry. She can afford the time.

T - What about you? All the time, eh?

G - I suppose. Like most men. I don't need to have any more, either.

T - Right, I forgot, you already have two back in the UK, right?

G - Just one now...

T - Oh fuck, right. Sorry man, just being an insensitive prick. I forgot, just for a minute there.

G - It's all right. I do it all the time. I forget it all the time. I try to forget it all the time.
[pause]
Do you want to talk about the book?

T - What's to say? They're going deeper. Over the Styx, into Dis. Not quite what I had envisioned there. I thought there would be more carnage, but it didn't take that way. Started leaning, changing metaphors after the eleventh. City of Dis, changed, obviously. Wasn't just the female charnel house it was going to be. Was going to be some kind of brutal male / female battle, but I didn't have that energy.
[pause]
Maybe now I could.

G - So now Dis is New York?

T - Maybe. Parts of it. Lots of twin references. Lots of fucking though, too. Can't remember all of nine, when I wrote it. Some narcotics involved there, particularly the thing. I started rolling around, you know.
[pause]
Sometimes you just want to tear the fucking language apart and leave it there strewn all over the fucking streets. That's what it felt like. Frustration, like the words don't fucking mean anything.

G - I think it's quite a common thing, now. Read about it in a couple of articles. People who suddenly come face to face with the realization that what they do isn't really all that important.

T - Most people don't do anything important. Maybe it'll be good for that. People can stop wasting their lives thinking that whatever happens, they've still got heaven, that it'll be alright, that it won't be a waste. People forget how short life is and how quick death shows up and ends fucking everything. I write because that's what I want to do, it makes me happy. Had my midlife crisis at 22 and said fuck it. What's the fucking point of spending your life writing manuals or something ignorant that don't mean a damn thing. I mean, you do what you got to do to make a living, but I swear, it'd be better off just being a male prostitute an hour a day and doing whatever you wanted the rest of the time. Bullshit.

G - It's not complete bullshit. I think it's about worth. You're forgetting that most people do have jobs they don't mind, and careers, and it can bring people happiness to succeed and raise their children and so on. Live happily. They don't all have to do something ridiculous like starve themselves in order to write full time. To them, these things are worth something.

T - Fuck, whatever. It doesn't seem worth much to me. Software development, taxes, numbers, oil, blahblah fucking blah, what does it fucking matter? It's got to be hard to look in the mirror at 78 and tell yourself your life was worth something when all you did was add up someone else's numbers. How can people not fucking get it that we go round once and that's it. Just a bunch of fucking apes wearing ties.

G - Do you have a better suggestion?

T - Don't ever go a day without fucking. Have lots of kids. Have lots of friends. Don't waste your time on god. Never spend a fucking night alone if you can help it.

G - Is that why you're going to phone her again so soon?

T - Probably.

G - And you're going to lie to her.

T - Probably.

G - And it doesn't bother you?

T - People's whole lives are bigger illusions than the little one I'm going to perpetrate. And you're forgetting, it might just work out. She goes on the chemicals and I go off them. That should help.

G - But probably not.

T - It's hard to tell.

G - But probably not.

T - No. I'll fucking admit it. I don't think it will. I think we both know it. But it's very hard to kill someone that you've loved for this long and that's what ending it does. It kills it forever, it kills her forever, because it's not like drifting away from an old friend and seeing them again years later and talking. You can't see this woman again any time, not ever, because it fucking kills you to think of what might have been. It is the end of an entire life together. So, yeah, I'm dragging it out because I don't want to pull the trigger.

G - Mercy. Think of that. Think of mercy.

T - I don't give shit for mercy. Cause I want to live, no matter what pain I'm in. Don't ever pull the fucking plug on me, you remember that, Gander. Because some life is better than no life, no matter what. That's where I'm at. That's why I keep the finger off the trigger, because I can't fucking pull it.

G - You'll have to at some point.

T - No. If I wait long enough, she'll do it. And I can live with that. I can be alone if that's what it is.

G - Even though...

T - Yes. Even though. I can't fucking stand to be alone.




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